The Jungle Boo-Ha: My Misadventures in the Wild
Imagine this—it's a sunny Saturday afternoon, and I'm scrolling for the umpteenth time through my social media feeds while contemplating if it is possible for me to consider a donut as a viable breakfast option daily. Suddenly, like the hand of the universe—or maybe an ad campaign—comes the ad: "Become One with Nature—Join Us on a Jungle Adventure!
Now, most sane people would click "Not Interested" and carry on with their donut-filled day, but not me. Nope! I thought, "Basically, jungles are just like nature's version of a theme park! Grab your sunscreen and let's do it!" (Let's just say my thought process might be analogous to how a donut would think it could substitute for a balanced diet—delicious but utterly misguided.). The next thing I know, I've signed up to spend a weekend soiree in the jungle!
### Day One: Into the Wild
Fast forward to Friday and I'm packing my bags. And this is when I realized—these are some of the essentials you really need for living it up in the jungle. Sunscreen? Check! Bug spray? Check! Four different kinds of snacks because, you know, what if I meet a friendly jaguar and we need a snack break? Check, check, check!
Except, of course, when I finally reach my destination and realize that I should have packed not just extra underwear but a sense of direction. Maps are for wusses. This is going to be an epic adventure!
We converge on the put-in, a parking lot chock full of hopeful faces and a smattering of hipster types trying to look rugged. Dudes, one guy had flip flops. As in, "Hey, I'm about to get down and spend some quality time with some whitewater! Better strap on my flip flops!" Spoiler alert: I totally had reason to worry.
#### Into the Great Unknown
The journey to the jungle itself was nothing short of chaotic. We all piled into that old rusty van which, to say the least, looked hopeful that it could smuggle toads to some secret toad-fighting league. Most likely, our driver looked like he was one of the actors in the "survival movie gone wrong.".
As we bumped along the unpaved roads, I thought of all the ways this would make the world's worst YouTube vlog. "Jungle Social Experiments: Will Anyone Survive?"
We arrived at our "exotic safari base camp" to find tent city, erected in the most rudimentary fashion by people who had, for all appearances, never set foot in the jungle in their whole lives. Across from the camp, there was a sign in gaudy script: "Welcome to Nature!"; under that, it said, "Beware of Getting Lost!" Oh, come on! That is exactly the kind of inspirational speech that every fading explorer longs for on the precipice of death.
Jungle Trek #1
After picking up our equipment (I refuse to even go into the 'necessary' hiking boots that I hired that made my feet feel like they were being subject to some medieval form of torture) we headed out into the thick undergrowth. It wasn't long before I was making rather a lot of connections with nature – a bit too much, actually.
I came across a muddy puddle – and that was my Achilles' heel. My flip flop-wearing friend had gone ahead of me and, turning back with a smile on his face and a raised arm, he stopped to take a selfie in front of the skinny tree backdrop of questionable origin. Then, as one would expect of course, he slipped—most likely chasing after a bee or something—and fell, unleashing a perfect somersault into the dirt. Now, if you haven't seen a 'mature' man pull himself out of the muddy water like some swamp thing, phone in hand, in a desperate attempt to save his selfie, then I would add that to your bucket list.
The hilarity didn't stop as we trekked deeper into the jungle. In a stroke of pure comedy, we encountered a tree that suspiciously resembled a giant burrito. Yes, a burrito tree! Convinced the universe was playing a prank on me, I loudly declared, "I shall dub thee 'Burritoler'!"
#### The Animal Kingdom: No, They're Not Your Friends
As we continued to trek, it became evident that the jungle truly does like to show its true colors, especially through its animals. We got lucky and ran into a group of capuchin monkeys. Cute, right? No, nothing of the sort. These little furry thieves were Mother Nature's raccoons with an overdose of pants-on-the-ground energy. They decided my backpack was an excellent playground and set to work raiding snacks, gear, and all efforts to preserve at least a bit of self-esteem.
Now see me, chasing after them in a frenzied sprint, like some crazed squirrel attempting to nab the final acorn during its winter party. I was shouting, "Leave my things—damn it, you furry thieves!" and Eduardo was laughing behind his video, filming the whole thing .
#### Back at Camp: Dinner of… Adventure?
Much later that night, upon returning to camp after having been liberated by the animal robbers, I received another lesson in tonight's dinner, sure to keep our jungle spirit satisfied: mystery meat—and what looked very suspiciously like tree bark. "It's perfectly edible!" chirped Eduardo. "Just like the jungle!"
By now, my stomach was starting a rebellion. I considered the intelligence of having packed just snacks. Apparently, my taste buds weren't too ready for 'jungle fusion'. On the bright side, I did get a nice story to tell my friends while sending them a photo of my mysterious dinner. I half expected it to end up on a "Weird Food Around the World" Pinterest board.
#### Day Two: The Aftermath
We planned on more adventures and signed up for white-water rafting the next day. At this point, the word 'rafting' could only remind me of a pool raft at a summer BBQ, and I definitely didn't feel prepared for the "thrilling experience" Eduardo kept boasting about.
It's then that I came to know that white water isn't navigated with just enthusiasm; some survival skills, like paddling in sync, really work. In our case, it was the universal language of "scream together and hope for the best.
Somehow, the poor communication of directions and commands ended with me flailing like an octopus on a treadmill, while my lovely companion next to me was clutching the sides of the raft like it was a lifeboat on the Titanic.
As we went racing over rapids, I thought to myself, "So this is how I'm going to die. With dreams of serenely lounging in the beauty of nature upended, my hair greasy and snarled in some bad audition for a horror movie about washed-up adventurers running amok."
#### Conclusion: Having an Adventure vs. Losing Your Marbles
Now, sitting with sore legs and nursing it all in, with all the embarrassment, I realize it may be that joining the jungle experience was not that bad. The laughs, the camaraderie, the moments of pure unyielding chaos—it's all worth it.
And the next time you see an advertisement asking you to reconnect with nature, remember this: The jungle is more than just about reconnecting, but it's laughter, a little bit of crazy, and maybe deep, deep down, subconsciously dodging rabid squirrels and the furry thieves around.
And donuts? Well, they just make for great snacks with everything—like unplanned adventures into the jungle. ????
Until next time, remember to embrace your wild.